– Siblings also experience grief. As with adults, each child will experience grief in their own way and have their own way of expressing it. Some feelings may be immediate and some may emerge later on. Sometimes children begin to openly express their feelings when their parents are more able to support them, usually when their own deep grieving processes is easing.
– As a parent you can simply do your best. At times when your own grief may be so deep that it isn’t easy to be reassuring and comforting and patient. Try not to feel guilty; let your child feel loved in whatever way you are able.
– Be open about your grief; your child will be aware of it anyway.
– Let your child know that crying is helpful and that tears flowing make space for other feelings.
– Make a box of memories, poems, pictures with your children.
– Talking over the memories siblings have can be really helpful. The whole experience of a sibling’s birth and death can easily become confused with dreams. Looking at photos and talking about the baby helps them to make it more real and to integrate the experience into their lives.
– Younger children i.e. toddlers, may simply need as much love and reassurance as possible. Songs and stories about their baby brother or sister woven into their everyday reality can be a simple acknowledgement about this important event in your family’s life.
– Young children may “play” about death, hospitals, funerals, etc… This is natural and healing.
– Try to listen to your child’s feelings even if they are challenging.
– Older children may find healing through being involved in the events after death; picking flowers, finding a special stone or candle, etc.. to place in the baby’s special place or at their grave.
– Offer books to your children – see reading list.
– Some baby-loss web-sites have message boards especially for children to “chat”
– Remember that pregnancy is a time of expectation for all members of a family, full of feelings, hopes and dreams of the future. When a baby dies, this vision of the future changes shockingly. Grief if felt and honoured will help parents and children alike, to adjust to a new and different image of family life.
