HEATHERS STORY. by DEBORAH STYLES
I was 26-27 weeks pregnant on Friday 9th October 1998 and on my way for a check-up with the midwife, not my main one Helen, but another of the team. Having suffered an early bleed at 14 weeks we lost Heathers twin, but she was a fighter and stayed. Now I had reached this stage in the pregnancy I had started to relax so I was quite calm on my way to the appointment. She tested my urine and found traces of protein in it, but because I had a cold and had a history of urine infections she put it down to that. After hearing Heather’s strong heart beat she reassured me there was nothing to worry about. Being my first child I took guidance from the professionals and tried to relax over the weekend, staying in bed to get over my cold.
Then on the Monday I went back to work but still felt under the weather which carried on till the Tuesday. I remember having a row with an ex boss because he thought I was faking my illness and tried to stop my sick pay. Funny the things you remember around the time, and ironically, I was to prove him wrong in a most devastating way.
That evening on Tuesday 13th October still feeling rough I went to bed early and watched telly in bed. By about 8pm I was having sharp regular pains (Braxton hicks I thought maybe) but we called out the doctor anyway just in case. Dr. Watkins was wonderful as he kept me calm and reassured me but phoned ahead and sent us down to the maternity unit.
When we arrived I was asked for a urine sample which showed traces of protein. The midwife tried to find a heartbeat but couldn’t. She didn’t seem too worried and said it was because of my size (being 20 stone) and the urine infection making the baby hide up out the way. She said a scan was booked for the morning and they would keep me in and not to worry.
All through the night I was still having the pains but was reassured and told to get some rest. Then in the morning my parents came to see me and my husband left to go to college, being told not to worry as I was in safe hands. But by 11 am I still hadn’t had the scan and no-one tried to monitor me or Heather again. My parents left to go to work and I was left alone in pain. But by 11.30am the pain reached another level and I pressed the emergency button. Only then was I put in a wheelchair and taken up to the scan room.
I can remember every detail of the room and the moment the chatty sonographer stopped talking and turned the screen away from me. She then asked her assistant to get a doctor. That is the moment I knew deep inside me that by baby daughter Heather had died, and my heart broke. After that everything was like a dream. The doctor came in and held my hand and told me my baby had died and all I remember at this point is hearing someone crying and moaning NO over and over again. It then dawned on me that the sound was coming from me, it was so surreal. I was then taken to the Mary Delve suite and my husband and parents were phoned.
It was here that Helen my main midwife arrived. She was on duty and heard what had happened and had rushed to my side. It was Helen who also told me, to my abject horror and shock, that I had to deliver my daughter. My husband then turned up and between them they helped me give birth to our daughter at 12.22pm on Wednesday 14th October 1998. I remember that even though she was small I felt the hardness of her head being delivered, which amongst the shock, horror and disbelief in the room it made her seem so real and present there with us. It’s a day that will be engraved in my memory forever. Heather had a mass of dark curls and weighed 1lb 12 oz but I couldn’t see or hold her at the time. As I felt that if I did I would never be able to let her go and the shock had set in and I just couldn’t cope. So my sister Penny and my parents went to see her for us to say goodbye. This was one of many regrets I would have to live with over the years, as you cannot turn back the clock.
I remember walking out of the hospital to the car later that day. I just had to get home as I couldn’t stay there any longer especially as Heather had already gone by car to Bristol. It was a beautiful sunny day and I remember people laughing near us. I had to hold myself back from running over to them and screaming at them “how dare you laugh, don’t you know I’ve just lost my daughter?”
Heather went to Bristol for an autopsy and we had to wait 2 weeks before we could have her funeral on 26th October. We had close family and friends attending with just posies from the family, and the vicar read out some words that I wrote for her about butterflies. We played the song “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton, and she was cremated with poems and toys from us all. Later on 29th October we placed with her ashes a St Christopher and a letter from us, and Heather’s ashes were buried with the other babies at the cemetery.
The following year on 19th march 1999 we lost twins at 14 & 16 weeks. This was hard to deal with as a miscarriage is considered an “invisible death” with no funeral or place of rest to visit. Then in April we met the consultant who told us the chromosome checks etc… had came back and that they were normal for my husband and myself. We also found out that there was nothing wrong with Heather it appeared she had just stopped breathing. He referred to it as a cot death in the womb. So we had no answers or reasons why our daughter died. But through all the heartbreak we went on to have a son Joseph born on 15th February 2000, even though we lost his twin at 12 weeks, he made it through. And then we had a daughter Amber-Rose born on 28th January 2001 my only single pregnancy. A brother and sister for Heather and our other little Angels in heaven to watch over.
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