Rachel Charlotte born asleep Christmas Eve 2000
We had arrived at my mother-in-laws, lunchtime. It was christmas eve and we were so excited for our little 18 month old daughter Lauren-Mai, as this was to be her first Christmas where she understood the excitement!
I had three weeks to go before our new baby girl was due. The day progressed and I started having tightenings, braxton hicks, I believed.
By 20.00hrs I was quite uncomfortable, but not in pain. I still felt our baby girl moving around.
Steve had gone to work as an agency nurse for a local nursing agency. He was unaware of anything going on.
I contacted the maternity unit and they advised me to come in for a monitor. They suspected a urinary infection.
I arrived at the unit at 20:45. The midwife Vanessa greeted me and asked me to produce a urine sample. On examination they discovered I had “three bar protien” and my blood pressure was 165/101.
Vanessa asked if she could monitor me. She tried for 20 minutes to get a heart beat. She said that she would get another collegue. She left the room. A doctor, Vanessa, another midwife and a health care assistant returned.
I was told that an urgent scan was required. I was taken to the unltra-sound department. I heard christmas music playing. I was so excited, belieing that my little girl was on her way to join me.
The doctor turned the screen towards the wall so I couldn’t see anything. I tried to sit up to see. The doctor asked me lie back. I was chatting away constantly, laughing away and then I shut up. I had been looking at Vanessa. Her head was bowed and she was shaking. Why wasn’t she excited for me? The doctor took my hand and said, “I am so sorry Nikki. Your baby has died”.
I remember replying, “don’t be stupid!”
They took me back to the labour ward, where ten minutes later, I gave birth to a beautiful 5lbs 3oz little girl, Rachel Charlotte.
Steve my partner was not there. Friends had rushed off to get him from work.
Steve arrived and was told by the doctors that Rachael had died. Noone could tell us at what stage she died; only that it was at some point that evening.
Steve came in to me. I was in denial and believed that Rachael was going to be returned to me alive and well. I smiled at Steve. I hadn’t cried. I couldn’t cry. Everything as far as I was concerned was ok.
Then Rachel was brought into the room and then I knew that my little girl had died…. And then I cried.
We were taken to the Mary Delv suite, a lovely room where Steve could stay with me and Rachel could be with us.
I was discharged on Christmas day morning, leaving that room and the hospital without my little girl was heart-breaking beyond belief.
Walking past people dressed up in christmas outfits, nurses who didn’t know, wishing me a happy christmas – I just cried.
We returned to Steve’s mum’s house and I held my Lauren in my arms and wouldn’t let her go. It was like she knew what had happened.
We held Rachel’s funeral on 5th January 2001. The chapel was full. A beautiful service for a beautiful little girl.
Nearly four years on now and I think of Rachel every day. We have gone on to have two more children, a little boy called James who is 2 and three quarters and was born on New Years day 2002 and a little girl called Rebecca who was born on November 18th 2003.
We miss you our darling Rachel, our sweet angel.
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